I used to be an artist before I joined the army. Afterward, they told me I’d never be an army officer. Probably because I was always drawing fire.
My friend recently got promoted from captain to a higher military rank. It was a major day for him.
Last week, I sent my baby to the army. Weirdly, they put her in the infantry.
People who wear sleeveless shirts in the army are basically defending their right to bare arms.
If you feel like you’re not being thanked enough in the army, don’t worry about it. Cavalry officers never say tanks.
My instructor just told me that he never saw me at the camouflage training. I replied, “Thank you, sir!”
Writers should be comfortable joining the Navy. They are already familiar with magazines.
Brooms would make such great army officers. They can easily perform good sweeps.
I once heard a story about a Roman army that got famous for selling milk products. It was Legion Dairy.
The veteran is now a volleyball coach. He told his students that the most important skill is knowing how to serve.
An army general was known to retreat from a Navy fleet that was wearing sandals. He was scared of de-feet.
The first thing pigs learn when they join the army is ham-to-ham combat.
I had no idea that you can’t eat ice cream in the Air Force. Apparently, you get arrested for deserting.
When the commanding officer told the Emperor that they had 385 volunteers, the Lord told him to round them up. He just replied in return, “Okay. 400, my liege.”
During the American Civil War, on the first day of the third month of last year, both sides’ armies had to March first and then have breakfast.
I know a great joke based on the National Guard and Army Reserve. But it only works on one weekend of the month.
I served under the calmest commander of the US Navy. General Anaesthesia helped put all disputes between fellow soldiers to bed.
I was once in the Army, but when I came back home, I started working with animals. Now I’m a military vet.
My father used to work as a baker when he was serving. He used to go in all buns glazing.
I had a senior officer that didn’t like playing the minor scales. So I always had to tell him, “Play a flat major.”
A guy named Will decided that he never wanted to be a soldier. I found out it was because he once heard them say, “Fire at will!”
Old Macdonald’s son chose to join the army rather than do farm work. I guess now he is E.I. G.I. Joe.
There was once an army of drawing tools. Their commanding officer was the ruler.
My grandfather used to work as a mime in the Army during the world war. He doesn’t like talking about it.
Two PFCs were walking down the street when one of them suddenly said, “Oh! Is that a dead bird?” The second PFC got worried, looked up toward the sky, and said, “Where? I can’t see it!”
The soldiers had to get rid of some bugs. They did it with a raid.
There’s only one kind of plant that grows in a soldier’s garden. It’s called an ambush.
Why does the militaryhave a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? To minimize civilian casual tees.
How do army soldiers greet each other when they ride in helicopters? “Helo!”
How do the soldiers freshen their breath? With a tic attack.
What kind of sergeant usually carries a long stick along with them wherever they are going? The Staff Sergeant.
What would you call it if a soldier leaves to go to play games? A deplayment.
Why did the soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? He needed cover.
What would you call a soldier who makes you stay beside them at all times? The company commander.
What do the soldiers read whenever they get bored? Their magazines.
What is a soldier’s least favourite day of the year? March 4th.
What do you call it when two low-ranking officers are discussing? A Private conversation.
Which area of an army base usually needs the most cleaning up? The mess hall.
How do soldiers move when they want to get an orange slice? In a wedge.
What happened to the Air Force pilot who tried his stand-up act at a comedy club? It was the bomb!
What military branch is the favourite of the horses? The Neigh-vy.
Which officer in the army uses the bathroom the most? The lootenant.
What is the main similarity between the army and musical composition? They both have majors.
What do you call a baby that was born on an Air Force plane? Airborne.
What would you call an unknown army ranger who tries talking to you? Ranger Danger.
What would you call a soldier who’s good at caring for animals? A vet.
Where do soldiers get their shoes? At Boot Camp.
What did the man reply when his father told him, “You wanna join the navy? You can’t even swim!”? He said, “No one can fly in the Air Force either.”
What would you call a drill sergeant who’s polite? A Drill Sergeantlemen.
What would you call the Private if they get exposed? The Public.
How did Steve get his lungs injured when he was serving? He tried to blow up the tank.
What did the Colonel say when someone asked him the lowest rank in the Army? He replied, “It’s Private.”
Did you hear about the man that shared a rented property with another man in the army? He took the right half, and the soldier was the left tenant.
Have you heard that the American soldiers recently arrested a pigeon on suspicion of being a spy? It seems that it was staging a coo.
How do you play Air Force Bingo? A-10 … B-52 … F-16!
