1. I used to be an artist before I joined the army. Afterward, they told me I’d never be an army officer. Probably because I was always drawing fire.
2. My friend recently got promoted from captain to a higher military rank. It was a major day for him.
3. Last week, I sent my baby to the army. Weirdly, they put her in the infantry.
4. People who wear sleeveless shirts in the army are basically defending their right to bare arms.
5. If you feel like you’re not being thanked enough in the army, don’t worry about it. Cavalry officers never say tanks.
6. My instructor just told me that he never saw me at the camouflage training. I replied, “Thank you, sir!”
7. Writers should be comfortable joining the Navy. They are already familiar with magazines.
8. Brooms would make such great army officers. They can easily perform good sweeps.
9. I once heard a story about a Roman army that got famous for selling milk products. It was Legion Dairy.
10. The veteran is now a volleyball coach. He told his students that the most important skill is knowing how to serve.
11. An army general was known to retreat from a Navy fleet that was wearing sandals. He was scared of de-feet.
12. The first thing pigs learn when they join the army is ham-to-ham combat.
13. I had no idea that you can’t eat ice cream in the Air Force. Apparently, you get arrested for deserting.
14. When the commanding officer told the Emperor that they had 385 volunteers, the Lord told him to round them up. He just replied in return, “Okay. 400, my liege.”
15. During the American Civil War, on the first day of the third month of last year, both sides’ armies had to March first and then have breakfast.
16. I know a great joke based on the National Guard and Army Reserve. But it only works on one weekend of the month.
17. I served under the calmest commander of the US Navy. General Anaesthesia helped put all disputes between fellow soldiers to bed.
18. I was once in the Army, but when I came back home, I started working with animals. Now I’m a military vet.
19. My father used to work as a baker when he was serving. He used to go in all buns glazing.
20. I had a senior officer that didn’t like playing the minor scales. So I always had to tell him, “Play a flat major.”
21. A guy named Will decided that he never wanted to be a soldier. I found out it was because he once heard them say, “Fire at will!”
22. Old Macdonald’s son chose to join the army rather than do farm work. I guess now he is E.I. G.I. Joe.
23. There was once an army of drawing tools. Their commanding officer was the ruler.
24. My grandfather used to work as a mime in the Army during the world war. He doesn’t like talking about it.
25. Two PFCs were walking down the street when one of them suddenly said, “Oh! Is that a dead bird?” The second PFC got worried, looked up toward the sky, and said, “Where? I can’t see it!”
26. The soldiers had to get rid of some bugs. They did it with a raid.
27. There’s only one kind of plant that grows in a soldier’s garden. It’s called an ambush.
28. Why does the militaryhave a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? To minimize civilian casual tees.
29. How do army soldiers greet each other when they ride in helicopters? “Helo!”
30. How do the soldiers freshen their breath? With a tic attack.
31. What kind of sergeant usually carries a long stick along with them wherever they are going? The Staff Sergeant.
32. What would you call it if a soldier leaves to go to play games? A deplayment.
33. Why did the soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? He needed cover.
34. What would you call a soldier who makes you stay beside them at all times? The company commander.
35. What do the soldiers read whenever they get bored? Their magazines.
36. What is a soldier’s least favourite day of the year? March 4th.
37. What do you call it when two low-ranking officers are discussing? A Private conversation.
38. Which area of an army base usually needs the most cleaning up? The mess hall.
39. How do soldiers move when they want to get an orange slice? In a wedge.
40. What happened to the Air Force pilot who tried his stand-up act at a comedy club? It was the bomb!
41. What military branch is the favourite of the horses? The Neigh-vy.
42. Which officer in the army uses the bathroom the most? The lootenant.
43. What is the main similarity between the army and musical composition? They both have majors.
44. What do you call a baby that was born on an Air Force plane? Airborne.
45. What would you call an unknown army ranger who tries talking to you? Ranger Danger.
46. What would you call a soldier who’s good at caring for animals? A vet.
47. Where do soldiers get their shoes? At Boot Camp.
48. What did the man reply when his father told him, “You wanna join the navy? You can’t even swim!”? He said, “No one can fly in the Air Force either.”
49. What would you call a drill sergeant who’s polite? A Drill Sergeantlemen.
50. What would you call the Private if they get exposed? The Public.
51. How did Steve get his lungs injured when he was serving? He tried to blow up the tank.
52. What did the Colonel say when someone asked him the lowest rank in the Army? He replied, “It’s Private.”
53. Did you hear about the man that shared a rented property with another man in the army? He took the right half, and the soldier was the left tenant.
54. Have you heard that the American soldiers recently arrested a pigeon on suspicion of being a spy? It seems that it was staging a coo.
55. How do you play Air Force Bingo? A-10 … B-52 … F-16!

On his 80th birthday, former Prime Minister and Treasurer Paul Keating has used the occasion to call for a bold departure from what he perceives as Australia’s pervasive timidity across various domains. Keating’s remarks, made in an interview with The Australian Financial Review, underscore his belief that Australia must redefine itself intellectually, economically, constitutionally, and in its international relations.

Keating expresses disappointment in what he sees as a lack of self-assurance and innovation in Australia’s national psyche. He contends that the country’s reluctance to assert its own capabilities and chart its own course forward is hindering its progress. He laments the nation’s attachment to outdated structures, such as its constitutional ties with Britain and its dependence on the United States for security.

In the interview, Keating touches on a range of topics, including the evolution of Australia’s superannuation system and the need for greater representation of union-backed industry super funds on corporate boards. He criticizes high marginal tax rates as confiscatory and advocates for tax scale indexation. Keating also shares his perspective on international affairs, opining on the leadership of Joe Biden and the future relationship between Australia and Indonesia under Prabowo Subianto.

Furthermore, Keating discusses Indigenous issues, revealing his opposition to the proposed constitutional “Voice” to the Australian parliament. He suggests alternative approaches, such as a legislated representative Indigenous body, emphasizing the importance of empowering Indigenous communities to manage their own affairs.

Throughout the interview, Keating emphasizes the need for Australia to shed its timidity and embrace a more confident and proactive stance on both domestic and international fronts. He reflects on his extensive experience in public life to underscore his critique of the status quo and his vision for a more assertive and self-assured Keating Australia.

Welcome back to the Fluctus Channel. In this captivating episode, we embarked on an informative journey through the world of modern air defense technologies. We began by discussing the evolution of counter-drone strategies and delved into the sophisticated systems developed by companies like Rheinmetall, including the Skynex and Oerlikon Skyranger.

ED: I wholeheartedly support the notion of compulsory national service, having witnessed its benefits during and after the Vietnam era. Ensuring the security of our nation is paramount, yet we currently lack the necessary manpower for successful defense.

To address this gap, I propose implementing a comprehensive training system that encompasses all young 18-year-old Australians. While some may not meet the criteria for military service, they could still contribute meaningfully by engaging in voluntary roles within other essential services.

Your thoughts on this matter are valuable, and I welcome feedback via email at hq@frontline.asn.au Your insights could greatly assist in refining my submission.

Thank you for considering this important issue.

Ray Payne

Reinforcing Australia’s National Security: A Case for Universal National Service

By Ray Payne

In the face of escalating global uncertainties and threats to stability, the imperative to fortify Australia’s national security apparatus becomes increasingly urgent. Embracing a comprehensive approach, it is time to resurrect the concept of national service, enrolling all 18-year-old Australian citizens without exception. While this proposition may unsettle some politicians, its implementation is paramount for securing our nation’s future.

National service, however, need not be confined solely to military obligations. Recognizing diverse capabilities and inclinations, alternative avenues should be available for those who may not meet the physical criteria for military service. Among these alternatives are roles within the Bush Fire Brigade, State Emergency Service, St. John Ambulance, and Coast Guard, each serving critical functions in safeguarding communities.

Upon reaching the age of 18, following the completion of their final year of high school, all Australian citizens would be mandated to register for national service. Subsequently, they would undergo medical and fitness assessments to determine their suitability for various service branches. Those deemed fit for military duty would be integrated into Army Reserve units, committing to four years of part-time service with obligations akin to current reserve requirements, accompanied by appropriate remuneration.

Conversely, individuals ineligible for military service would be directed towards voluntary services, engaging in roles such as those aforementioned. Serving on a voluntary basis for a duration of four years, these individuals would contribute to essential emergency response and community support efforts.

Compliance with national service obligations is imperative, necessitating penalties for non-compliance. Australians who are abroad upon reaching the age of 18 would be mandated to fulfill their national service duties upon return, provided they are under 30 years of age. Those who willfully evade or fail to complete their obligations would incur a lifetime additional tax of 2% on all future tax commitments—a measure designed to uphold the integrity and fairness of the system.

The benefits of such a comprehensive national service program are manifold. For the Australian Defence Force (ADF), grappling with recruitment and retention challenges, the proliferation of reserve units would offer a surge of manpower and talent. Enhanced geographical proximity to training and deployment sites would foster stronger ties to local communities, bolstering retention rates across all ranks.

Simultaneously, volunteer services would benefit from an influx of dedicated individuals, augmenting their capacity to respond to crises and emergencies. By structuring training programs akin to reserve units, the government would ensure the competence and readiness of volunteers, facilitated by the employment of permanent training staff.

In conclusion, the reintroduction of universal national service stands as a pragmatic and indispensable measure to fortify Australia’s national security. By harnessing the collective capabilities and commitment of its citizenry, Australia can navigate the evolving geopolitical landscape with confidence, safeguarding its interests and ensuring the resilience of its communities.

The cautionary assessment from the senior analyst underscores significant vulnerabilities within the Australian Defence Force (ADF) that could potentially jeopardize Australia’s ability to defend itself in the event of a major conflict. This warning highlights several critical aspects:

1. Capability Gap: The analyst’s warning suggests a significant capability gap within the ADF. This could pertain to inadequacies in military equipment, technology, training, or overall readiness. Without the necessary resources and preparedness, the ADF may struggle to effectively respond to a large-scale military threat.
2. Strategic Vulnerabilities: The mention of the mainland being threatened indicates that the concerns extend beyond regional conflicts and encompass the possibility of a direct threat to Australia’s territorial integrity. This implies vulnerabilities in Australia’s strategic defence posture, potentially leaving key areas exposed to hostile actions.
3. Resource Allocation: The warning may also point to issues related to resource allocation and prioritization within the defence budget. If critical areas such as modernization, force readiness, or personnel training are not adequately funded or prioritized, it could undermine the ADF’s ability to respond effectively to emerging threats.
4. Alliance Dependencies: Another aspect to consider is Australia’s reliance on international alliances, particularly with the United States, for defence support. If these alliances were strained or if allies were preoccupied with their own conflicts, Australia’s ability to rely on external assistance in a time of crisis could be compromised.
5. Adversarial Advances: The warning may reflect concerns about the evolving capabilities of potential adversaries. Advancements in military technology, cyber warfare, and other domains could pose significant challenges to Australia’s traditional defence strategies, necessitating a reassessment of the country’s defence posture.
6. Strategic Planning: Finally, the warning underscores the importance of strategic planning and risk assessment within Australia’s defence establishment. It may serve as a call to action for policymakers and defence leaders to address identified weaknesses, invest in critical capabilities, and develop robust contingency plans to safeguard the nation’s security interests.

Overall, the analyst’s warning highlights the need for a comprehensive and proactive approach to national defence to ensure Australia’s ability to effectively respond to potential threats and protect its sovereignty in an increasingly complex geopolitical environment.

With potential conflict brewing in the region, Ben Packham, The Australian’s renowned Foreign Affairs and Defence correspondent, unravels the $7.8 billion lethal weapon load-out that will keep Australia safe.

Veteran journalist Erin Molan, daughter of the late Major General and NSW Senator Jim Molan, is issuing a stark challenge to Australian politics: take national security seriously and stop treating the public as naive bystanders.

In an era where national security reigns as the paramount responsibility of any government, the escalating threats demand urgent attention. Yet, amidst mounting challenges and fleeting opportunities in the rapidly transforming global and Indo-Pacific landscape, the Australian government’s lack of border security is glaring.

Molan’s call resonates with many who recognize the urgent need for a coherent national security strategy. She highlights the failures of successive governments in adequately addressing these concerns, emphasizing that safety should precede all other considerations. She criticizes policymakers’ disregard for the deteriorating global balance of power, a situation exacerbated by an ailing United States.

Drawing from her father’s advocacy for a national security strategy, Molan exposes the government’s inadequacy in preparedness for looming threats. She points out the nation’s vulnerabilities, including defence capabilities and fuel supply, underscoring the dire state of affairs despite official reassurances.

Molan’s frustration is palpable as she recounts her father’s uphill battle to garner support for a comprehensive strategy. She laments the ignorance and negligence of those in power, fuelling her anger and determination to push for change.

Acknowledging recent efforts such as the Defence Strategic Review, Molan insists on further improvements. She stresses the need for a comprehensive and coordinated national security strategy akin to the United States’ model, emphasizing Australia’s historical resilience in the face of adversity.

However, Molan warns against complacency, highlighting the disconnect between political rhetoric and the harsh realities faced by Australians. She cautions that unless both policymakers and the public confront these challenges head-on, Australia risks drifting into a perilous future, relinquishing control over its destiny.

The consequences of inaction are grave, with long-term national security at stake. Molan urges immediate action to position Australia to navigate the seismic shifts reshaping the global landscape.

Ultimately, Molan underscores the importance of aligning individual and national interests, urging Australians to demand accountability and foresight from their leaders. Failure to heed this call risks squandering opportunities and imperilling the nation’s future.

A senior member of Hungary’s ruling Fidesz party has indicated that a crucial vote on Sweden’s NATO membership could take place as soon as Monday, potentially ending over 18 months of delays by the nationalist government, much to the frustration of Hungary’s allies.

In a letter addressed to the parliament’s speaker on Tuesday, Máté Kocsis, the head of the Fidesz caucus, formally requested the scheduling of a vote for the first day of the upcoming spring session, commencing on Monday.

Kocsis affirmed Fidesz’s intention to support Sweden’s entry into the trans-Atlantic military alliance, marking a departure from their previous stance of blocking such a vote.

Among NATO’s 31 member states, Hungary stands as the sole nation yet to ratify Sweden’s bid. The Hungarian government, under increasing pressure, has delayed the decision for over a year and a half, aware that any new addition to the alliance necessitates unanimous approval.